Just how far do you want to go?

@smile - I pray that God blesses your relationship and helps you to grow according to his will.

When you swim you are in one of these, right?

I haven't actually read Harris' books, I've read snippets of them both and I've heard him speak on the subject a few times. (He's a good speaker/preacher on other subjects too.)

Purity is a difficult issue to cover, and it is going to vary among people. Especially when cultural issues come into play. As far as the modesty issue goes I noticed in Mexico that the women dress more attractively without looking too revealing or slutty. (at least the most of the ones I noticed.) I'm not really observant enough to know what they did differently though.

I contrast this to something I saw at a nearby Wal-Mart a week ago. A girl in her early to mid twenties had jean pants on (may have been shorts, I don't remember for certain) with the upper inside corner of the pockets (where jeans tend to rip first usually) with them both deliberately ripped open at that corner about the size of a silver dollar. Underneath she had no coverings (that were visible) so one could clearly see parts of her butt.

Enough about modesty though, that's somewhat on topic but needs it's big enough to need it's own section in the future perhaps.

Back to purity, I think the rule to keep your clothes on is a start, but, not really the best start. It doesn't say if he can touch those clothes or not first off. Keeping your shirt on doesn't mean much if he can still rub your chest through it!

Also, the subject of kissing has to be discussed. A peck on occasion is fine (probably not on the first few dates though), but a make-out session probably isn't. It leads to temptation that could be difficult to fight and could lead to things you really don't want at this time. If you look around at couples you respect at your church, married ones in particular, you will notice that they don't make-out in front of you, you should have the same respect for them, and everyone, and especially yourself. I see so many teens that don't realize just how bad this is.

An analogy I've heard is this,

There are two semi drivers competing for a job, the employer wants to compare them by seeing how close they can drive to a fence on a mountain cliff without falling over the edge. Any sane driver is going to say he doesn't want to see how close he can get to the edge, instead he wants to stay as far away from that edge as possible. (this may even have come from Harris' books, not sure) The same should go for purity.

Don't put up a line and try to get as close to said line as possible, instead you draw the line and stay as far away from it as you can. Don't feed the temptation by getting skirting the edge of the line, and don't give in to your desires by getting as close as you can. Instead remain pure and don't even look toward the line.

Some advice I've heard given to ladies over the years is to think through some possible situations and what you will do to stop things or to get out of the situation should it come to that.

You said you and him talked and redrew the lines. What is his view in all of this? Is he trying to move the line towards further purity, or is he trying to get away with more?